Wednesday, September 27, 2017

Offended by Bill Parcells

I wrote the piece below back in 2005. Seems kinda interesting over 10 years later.

For several years now, I have had the privilege of serving as the disc jockey for Decatur Central High School’s Spring prom, an event I always enjoy. Almost 10 years ago, at one of the first proms I played for them, Tim McGraw’s song, Indian Outlaw, was a big hit. This song, his first single, had launched his career into the stratosphere, and it was one of the most requested songs I had at the time.

That evening, in the glitz of the Hyatt Regency ballroom, amid a traditionally non-country-music-enjoying crowd, I had already played the song once, and had received several requests to play it again.

So I did, and that’s when it happened.

Some pimply-faced adolescent walked up to my table and said, “My family is part Indian, and this song offends me and I’d appreciate it if you didn’t play it anymore.”

Given that I couldn’t understand what about the song would offend anyone, and that it was the second time I had played it that evening (by request,) and that it was highly unlikely I would play it again, I replied, “I won’t play it again, look at all these people dancing, and I don’t care if you’re offended.”

He huffed, and walked away, mad, I could only suppose.

You see, the song, basically about an Indian stud, and not in any way casting a dark light on Indians, had caused a big brouhaha. Admittedly, the song is a bit stereotypical (at least, I think it is, since I really don’t know much about Indian culture except what I’ve read in Indiana history books,) but beyond that, I can’t really hear anything in the lyrics that should make an Indian mad. I mean, the song, more or less, is about an Indian’s sexual conquests, so I should think Indians would be flattered.

I was wrong.

Indian officials everywhere started popping up and saying this song was offensive to Indians, that it stereotyped them, portrayed them in a bad light, and that Indians weren’t like that anymore. Then they started calling for Tim McGraw’s scalp.

So – and let me just say that I usually think very fond of teenagers’ intellect – this kid, who clearly did not know his head band from his teepee, found out that Aunt Margie was one quarter Iroquois on her brother-in-law’s side and decided that he ought to be offended too. He had told me off good, and he didn’t like that I did not respond favorably.

I’m reminded of all that this morning as I read a story on ESPN.com about the coach of my favorite football team, the Dallas Cowboys, making reference to special plays in their repertoire they call, “Jap plays.” Apparently, Bill Parcells held a press conference and sometime during the 45 minutes he spoke, the subject of play calling came up, and he mentioned they like to call trick plays every now and then Bill explained they, “have a few… no disrespect for the Orientals, but what we call Jap plays. OK? Surprise things."

The ESPN story claimed that there was, “a murmur in the room of reporters, which included a Japanese journalist,” and that Parcells repeated, "No disrespect to anyone."

I finished reading the story and thought, “Why am I reading this story?” I mean, why is this news? Have they nothing else to report about? Is this still a story?

First of all, anyone who’s been in a room full of reporters knows that the murmur could just as well have been gas caused by bad media room catering. Who knows, maybe it was the Japanese journalist.

And secondly, since when is it offensive to merely refer to someone, or even a group of people? I know, the whole “politically-correct” phase has been in full swing for some years now, and I know there’s been about two million or so articles written about it. Which is why I’m so surprised we keep seeing stories about it all. The only time we hear about it is when some bonehead decides he’s offended by something, or when some journalist, (like I’m doing right now) writes about how dumb the whole thing is. And by the sheer volume of those types of stories, most regular people agree that this is a non-issue.

And yet, a first class organization like ESPN features a story about a “problem” so mundane it makes ‘em look like morons.

You see, a “Jap” is an abbreviated reference to a person indigenous to one of the many islands of Japan. Unlike the term “spic,” which was created as a purposefully derogatory reference to Hispanics, “Jap” was merely an abbreviation. And while the word “Japan” is only a two syllable word that doesn’t take that long to pronounce, “Japanese,” as in, “a Japanese journalist” is a bit longer. Thus, the term “Jap” was somehow coined to refer to any “Japanese” person.

Ah, but that’s not the whole story. One day, long forgotten, (much-like September 11 is now,) the “Japanese” army, under the orders of the “Japanese” government, decided they didn’t like Americans very much and blew up a bunch of our ships without being provoked, and before breakfast. All of the sudden, the term “Jap” took on a whole new meaning.

Four years later, after we blew two “Japanese” cities into oblivion, Americans felt better about themselves and the “Japanese” people didn’t. So we decided to start making friends again and so Americans, over the years, have now at least attempted to stop calling “Japanese” people “Japs.” Not because they are not “Japs,” but because the term “Jap” was not so flattering anymore, even if it did become not so flattering because they hit us with a cheap shot.

So Bill Parcells, who is not a Harvard major, but a football coach, calls plays, “Jap” plays, not because they refer to how a “Japanese” player, (or even a “Japanese” journalist) might execute those plays, but because they are surprise plays, along the lines of the surprise, before-breakfast play the “Japanese” once played on the United States.

Just a reference, that’s all.

And so ESPN, for reasons only God himself could ascertain, found some “Japanese” goof, who doesn’t know a football play from his teepee, and wasn’t even at the press conference, as far as I could tell, and quoted him.

"Bill Parcells is a brilliant coach," John Tateishi of the Japanese-American Citizen's League, a national civil rights group, told DallasNews.com. "Unfortunately, he is ignorant about racial slurs. I take great offense by what he said. Parcells ought to know better. He sorely needs more education on what is offensive and non-offensive to Japanese-Americans. I am shocked that he would say this."

Shocked.

The problem, of course, is that Bill wasn’t referencing anything that had anything to do with a “Japanese-American,” whatever that is. He was referencing something the “Japs” did back in 1941. And even if it is a stupid thing to do, he’s not wrong by doing it. And I can assure you, even though Bill did the politically-correct thing by issuing the pre-fab apology statement later, he’s still going to call those plays “Jap” plays in the locker room and on the field. Because the bottom line is that we’re all only politically correct when everybody else is watching and listening. When we are alone, or with our comfort groups, we say and do exactly what we want and how we want.

And so we continue to refer to things like “Southern-fried” chicken, or “French-fried” potatoes, whether they are or not, with no disrespect meant to southerners or Frenchmen.

We will say “Muslim” terrorists, because they are, with no disrespect meant to law-abiding muslims.

We will continue to call the pro football team in Washington the “Redskins,” and the high school in Tonganoxie, Kansas, the “Chieftons,” (don’t ask me how I know this,) and the pro baseball team in Atlanta the “Braves,” or the one in Cleveland the “Indians” (go figure) because they merely are nicknames that reference some former Indian or Indian culture with no disrespect meant to Indians.

African-Americans will still be called “blacks” even though they are not black, and “blacks” will never refer to “white” people as “Caucasian-Americans” even though we are not really white. And “black” people will still insist we “white” people call them “African-Americans” even though they call themselves “niggaz” and “homies,” which “white” people now often get shot for doing. And “black” entertainers will still make fun of “white boys” and everyone, including “African and Caucasian-Americans” will laugh. But Fuzzy Zoeller will joke about “black” people liking fried chicken, and ESPN will feature the story as the lead on SportCenter.

We will continue to call people from Indiana “Hoosiers.” Nobody knows why, and while at one time it may have been a slur, it certainly isn’t used as a term of disrespect anymore, unless you attend Purdue University.

And yes, even if only when we are alone or amongst friends, we will continue to call “Japanese” people “Japs,” as in, “Boy, those Japs sure can cook.” Because they can.

It’s time we all get over it.

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