You know, I don't want to kick a man while he's down, and I certainly don't want to be insensitive about the loss of a child, but I had a weird feeling the moment I heard about the death of Adrian Peterson's two-year old son.
This morning, TMZ is reporting that Peterson -- who is the recipient of an outpouring of sympathy and well-wishes throughout the NFL, and the media as a whole -- first met this little boy this past week while in the ICU after the beating that eventually took his little life.
That's right -- according to the report, Peterson didn't even know he had the son until a couple months ago, and had only planned to meet the toddler in a couple months -- presumably when it fit into his NFL schedule. Upon hearing of the beating, he flew to South Dakota to check things out, and -- again, according to the report -- is doing all he can now to help with the tragedy.
According to various other reports, Peterson has at least two other, different children, with two different mothers out there somewhere.
Now -- and this must be said -- I don't immediately take the TMZ report as total truth. I mean, they are a tabloid-like outfit, but traditionally, they tend to be fairly accurate in their reports, and are often cited as a source in more traditional media reports. On the other hand, it doesn't surprise me at all that that same traditional media wouldn't be reporting this side of the story. If it's true, they will eventually, but so far, it doesn't fit the narrative.
And so, I ask: If it's true, does that make you feel differently about Adrian Peterson?
I'm in Tennessee right now, visiting my son who left home for college about two months ago. I have my other younger son with me and my wife. This is part of a two week vacation for us, and before I left, someone asked me the age old question -- are we going on this vacation alone or taking our kids with us? My answer was, as always -- of course I'm taking my kids with me.
It's why I had kids. It's why my wife and I decided to have a family together. I'm not judging anyone else, and I'm not saying that Ginger and I haven't taken time for ourselves at times -- especially since the boys have gotten older. But since they were born, and have been in our house, our children have ALWAYS gone on vacation with us, because I had a family so we could all be and do things together.
In fact, except for a three-day trip three years ago to Las Vegas that was bought and paid for by our in-laws for the purposes of celebrating Ginger's dad's birthday, this will be the first vacation Ginger and I have taken since we've had children that we didn't have BOTH boys with us. After we leave Cory here in Tennessee, we're heading on down to Florida for a week, and he has to stay back here for school. It will just be Ginger, me and our youngest. And until HE moves on to college on his own, he will go on vacations with us.
Why do I tell you this? Because I believe a real man invests himself in his family. I believe a real man marries one woman, commits to her, has a family with her, and spends the rest of his life with her. And I believe that man takes care of his kids, and spends every possible moment with them, and raises them to value the family, until one day they are ready to leave home and start a family of their own.
If the reports are true, I don't think Adrian Peterson is a real man, and I don't think the adulation that has been -- and is sure to be in the coming days -- heaped upon him is deserved. Again, I'm not saying we don't mourn the tragedy. In fact, perhaps the circumstances make it even more tragic. It certainly isn't that young toddler's fault that his parents chose to place him in such a sucky existence.
A real man doesn't impregnate multiple women like some bee pollinating a field of flowers. A real man has a family with his wife, and stays by them forever. A real man -- especially one with the financial resources as has Peterson -- certainly doesn't let his child fall into the hands of a nutball like the one who beat and killed him.
Now, before you go off on me, I'm not talking about situations beyond our control. I know there are people who split up all the time, with spouses running off and leaving their families and taking away children from parents who never asked for or wanted the separation. I know there are plenty of real men out there who have had their families snatched away from them because of a selfish ex-wife. And vice-versa.
And I know there are children everyday who are stolen away -- through no fault of their parents -- by psychopaths who do unspeakable things to those children, leaving their families to live the rest of their lives with undue guilt wondering what more they could have done to protect their children.
And I'm not even talking about people who make mistakes. I'VE made mistakes, to be sure. I'm not perfect, and I'm not casting the first stone by any stretch. There are men and women out there who have strayed or had momentary lapses of judgment, but in the end, have repented and and asked forgiveness and done whatever it takes to make sure they end up doing the right thing by their families. People make mistakes.
No, I'm not talking about those families. I'm talking about men like Adrian Peterson, who are little more than mangy dogs, who prey on women, create children, and then leave them to fend for themselves in a world that quite frankly isn't all that safe.
I have friends -- real men -- who have had to watch their children die because of some tragic disease or catastrophic accident who won't get the media attention Adrian Peterson is getting right now. Men who love their families, and would die for them themselves. Those are real men. Men I aspire to be.
No, Adrian Peterson is no hero to me, or a tragic victim. I feel sorry for his loss -- I really do. And I pray this tragedy will open his eyes to what being a real man is all about. There's hope for him -- because there is always hope in God. And I will write a blog of rejoice if he should turn his life around and do right by whatever family he has left. I promise I will.
But until then, I will stand by my family, and I will stand by my friends, and I will champion those who are trying to be real men, by doing what is right by their wives and their children.
A former friend of mine -- who recently just up and walked out on his family -- recently sent me a question via a text message. It asked, "Do you think you need to be happy and 'googly eyed' in love with your significant other 100% of the time?" Given that this person has just abandoned his family, I've pondered that question for the past two months, wondering how I should reply -- because I want to reply.
So I will do it here. Here's my answer, and perhaps he'll read this: ABSOLUTELY! That's what a real man does! He loves his spouse -- and his family -- 100% of the time. He is "googly eyed" every moment he lays eyes on the beautiful woman he chose as his wife. Your wife and kids deserve your unquestioned and unconditional love and protection 100% of the time.
THAT'S what a real man does.
