Standing Up for What You Believe

The other day, I read a news story about the SpaghettiO's people. Seems they posted a very benign tweet about Pearl Harbor that offended a few people. They ultimately deleted the tweet and then issued an apology. In reading through the reader comments on the story -- over 300 of them -- they all -- and I mean ALL -- supported SpaghettiO's, and questioned why they would have ever deleted the post in the first place. Not one comment expressed any contempt for the SpaghettiO’s people.

Which led me to the question: Who are these people who get offended so quickly and easily, and why are so many so quick to capitulate to them and issue apologies the instant someone gets offended?

This evening I shared an opinion of mine on Facebook. Well, not really an opinion so much as it was a question. It was a question born out of a frustration of mine that has been building for some time. Regardless, there were no names mentioned, and while it certainly was related to the circumstances of many I know, it was not pointed at anyone specifically.

Needless to say, I offended some people -- some who I feel very close to. Upon posting it, many of my Facebook friends weighed in with their own thoughts and opinions, which I welcome openly. I must admit, often is the time I will post something on Facebook for the express purpose of “stirring the pot,” as it were, just to get the discussions going. I love the discourse.

In fact, I would submit that that is the primary purpose of social media sites like Facebook, and others like them; to give the average Joe like myself a voice – a place where he can go to voice his thoughts, concerns, opinions and ideas, and otherwise just keep in touch with the rest of the world in a way we were never able to in the past. We all, of course, have the right to remain silent.

But being opinionated is kinda my thing, and if you’re gonna put yourself out there, you got to have some tough skin sometimes, because you know you’re going to tick someone off, or offend or hurt someone, sometimes people you love.

There are those who think it is better to keep your mouth shut and save feelings. No confrontation. There’s certainly a time for that. The question, “Is that a hill is worth dying on?” is a wise one to ask when you’re dealing with sensitive subjects. However, sometimes we sacrifice the truth at the peril of those who need to hear it just because we don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings. Often times, that tactic does little more than allow a bad situation to fester to the point that it boils over into something much bigger and much worse than it ever should have been. How many times have we avoided a fight or an argument in the beginning, only to have a much more severe confrontation later because the problem was never dealt with?

Sometimes the truth hurts, and you have to be willing to share it with those who need it, sometimes for their own good, whether they want to hear it or not.

But being opinionated also comes with a great responsibility. First and foremost, you have to have your facts straight and accurate. Opinions, as they say, are like buttholes, and everyone’s got one. But your opinion won’t hold much weight if you don’t have facts to back it up. It has to be based on something concrete, and it’s not enough to just say, “Well, that’s my opinion,” if in fact your opinion is either false, or just plain wrong. That’s not the same thing as disagreeing. It is possible to disagree on a subject on which both parties are right, or at least partially so, with both opinions being based on various aspects of truth and facts. But whether we want to admit it or not, sometimes our opinions are just wrong. (Think: Obamacare.)

But a bigger responsibility is to be able to convey your opinion in a way that is most effective, and that usually entails the effort to deliver it with some tact, being as sensitive as possible to not hurt people to the extent that they just tune out and ultimately miss the whole point you were trying to make. Being blunt and to the point is one thing, and even being the kind of person who “tells it like it is” can be valuable, but if you offend people enough either through lack of clarity, untactful language, or just plain meanness, then you will have lost your audience completely, and that’s usually worse than offending someone.

I admit, this is where I fail more often than not. I pride myself on getting the facts straight, and at the risk of sounding boastful, I usually do a pretty good job of making sure the facts back up my opinion. But the written word can be a funny thing, and sometimes it can be very difficult to deliver what needs to be said without stinging a few people. Sometime, it can just be misunderstood because the reader doesn’t read the piece with the same inflection you intended when you wrote it.

But the biggest responsibility of all is you have to stand by what you say, and what you believe. Unless proven wrong – and God help us all recognize when we are wrong and be willing to admit to it – you cannot compromise what you believe. The moment you start to waffle, people will dismiss you as a hack. I believe in the concept that you put your name on your opinions, you stand by them, and you prepare yourself to defend them even in the face of adversity and the resistance of others. In other words, man up, and stand by what you believe.

I have no problem with that in most cases. But in tonight’s example, for a variety of reasons, I caved, and deleted my original post.

I regretted it immediately.

Not only because of my firm belief that you don’t back down from what you believe, but also because it deleted the comments of all of those who had taken the time to share their thoughts and opinions on the subject. Most of them, I must say, were in favor of my original post, and almost all were insightful and offered something of worth to the subject. I made the decision to not only back away from what I had stated, but also to wipe out thoughts and opinions of others that quite frankly did not belong to me.

Let me say this very carefully before I conclude. I pulled down my post for a variety of reasons…. I had hurt some, about which I was readily informed, and some of those were family members I never intended to even engage in this, let alone offend. Furthermore, I also received a visit from an angry boyfriend offering a thinly veiled threat that perhaps there could be further trouble if I didn’t delete it. The visit came after dark, with a darkly hooded associate in tow who I can only assume was there to exude further encouragement to the boyfriend.

I have been sick about it ever since. After he left, I thought, “no way” am I going to delete the post. And then I got to thinking: what if he’s a nutball and comes back with a gun or something, and then my little opinions get my family all shot up, and even though I would be making a stand, getting you and your family killed over a little Facebook post simply isn’t a cool way to die, and my Mom would be mad at me if it all went down that way?

And then I thought, “what if he’s right?” What if persisting in the whole issue really isn’t helping but doing more damage? What if maybe this wasn’t the best way, and the best place, to be trying to make this particular point?

So, all things considered, I put the kibosh on it all. And now I regret it.

And here’s why… First, what I said, and what I was trying to defend was right. I clearly stated that I am not without fault, far from perfect, and have made my share of bad decisions and choices in the past. But none of that changes the truth of what I was trying to say, which a simple defense of the family, and the importance of having BOTH parents in the house when raising a child. It is true – and the facts back this up – that, on the whole, children do better when they have both parents in the home, loving each other and loving the child and raising them right. That’s just simple logic.

But secondly, I regret it because backing away from my opinions go against every grain of my being. I am a firm believer in being able to look someone in the eye and say, “hey, I said what needed to be said.” I believe you don’t apologize for your feelings, and in this case, when the going got a little tough, I backed down, and I feel awful about it because I think that sends the wrong message to my kids. Sometimes you have to stand up for what you believe in, even if it gets a little messy. How can I look people in the eye and tell them I am a man of my word if I back away from my word at the first sign of trouble?

Lastly, I just don’t like that someone violated my personal space. He didn’t like it either, I suppose, even though his personal space was somewhere in California on a Facebook server, and I guess you got to give him props for choosing to share his views personally rather than on a keyboard. He stood up for his girl, you gotta give him that.

But I must admit, it caught me a little off guard and to my detriment, I wasn’t as prepared as he was. I mean, he had a flunky with him. MY flunky was sitting back in the living room, unaware I was in need of a flunky.

So, was I wrong or right? I don’t know. I didn’t see anything wrong the original post, and most of the commenters didn’t either, but again… the whole sensitivity thing.

As for deleting it, well, for that I think now I was absolutely wrong. I may have hurt some people, and for that I’m truly sorry. But by giving in and taking back what I said, I think makes me look like a fraud, and I think it says that I’m weak and my actions don’t follow my words. I think it sends the message that the truth of what I was trying to convey simple wasn’t worth fighting for.

And that makes me sick.

What a Real Man Does

You know, I don't want to kick a man while he's down, and I certainly don't want to be insensitive about the loss of a child, but I had a weird feeling the moment I heard about the death of Adrian Peterson's two-year old son.

This morning, TMZ is reporting that Peterson -- who is the recipient of an outpouring of sympathy and well-wishes throughout the NFL, and the media as a whole -- first met this little boy this past week while in the ICU after the beating that eventually took his little life.

That's right -- according to the report, Peterson didn't even know he had the son until a couple months ago, and had only planned to meet the toddler in a couple months -- presumably when it fit into his NFL schedule. Upon hearing of the beating, he flew to South Dakota to check things out, and -- again, according to the report -- is doing all he can now to help with the tragedy.

According to various other reports, Peterson has at least two other, different children, with two different mothers out there somewhere.

Now -- and this must be said -- I don't immediately take the TMZ report as total truth. I mean, they are a tabloid-like outfit, but traditionally, they tend to be fairly accurate in their reports, and are often cited as a source in more traditional media reports. On the other hand, it doesn't surprise me at all that that same traditional media wouldn't be reporting this side of the story. If it's true, they will eventually, but so far, it doesn't fit the narrative.

And so, I ask: If it's true, does that make you feel differently about Adrian Peterson?

I'm in Tennessee right now, visiting my son who left home for college about two months ago. I have my other younger son with me and my wife. This is part of a two week vacation for us, and before I left, someone asked me the age old question -- are we going on this vacation alone or taking our kids with us? My answer was, as always -- of course I'm taking my kids with me.

It's why I had kids. It's why my wife and I decided to have a family together. I'm not judging anyone else, and I'm not saying that Ginger and I haven't taken time for ourselves at times -- especially since the boys have gotten older. But since they were born, and have been in our house, our children have ALWAYS gone on vacation with us, because I had a family so we could all be and do things together.

In fact, except for a three-day trip three years ago to Las Vegas that was bought and paid for by our in-laws for the purposes of celebrating Ginger's dad's birthday, this will be the first vacation Ginger and I have taken since we've had children that we didn't have BOTH boys with us. After we leave Cory here in Tennessee, we're heading on down to Florida for a week, and he has to stay back here for school. It will just be Ginger, me and our youngest. And until HE moves on to college on his own, he will go on vacations with us.

Why do I tell you this? Because I believe a real man invests himself in his family. I believe a real man marries one woman, commits to her, has a family with her, and spends the rest of his life with her. And I believe that man takes care of his kids, and spends every possible moment with them, and raises them to value the family, until one day they are ready to leave home and start a family of their own.

If the reports are true, I don't think Adrian Peterson is a real man, and I don't think the adulation that has been -- and is sure to be in the coming days -- heaped upon him is deserved. Again, I'm not saying we don't mourn the tragedy. In fact, perhaps the circumstances make it even more tragic. It certainly isn't that young toddler's fault that his parents chose to place him in such a sucky existence.

A real man doesn't impregnate multiple women like some bee pollinating a field of flowers. A real man has a family with his wife, and stays by them forever. A real man -- especially one with the financial resources as has Peterson -- certainly doesn't let his child fall into the hands of a nutball like the one who beat and killed him.

Now, before you go off on me, I'm not talking about situations beyond our control. I know there are people who split up all the time, with spouses running off and leaving their families and taking away children from parents who never asked for or wanted the separation. I know there are plenty of real men out there who have had their families snatched away from them because of a selfish ex-wife. And vice-versa.

And I know there are children everyday who are stolen away -- through no fault of their parents -- by psychopaths who do unspeakable things to those children, leaving their families to live the rest of their lives with undue guilt wondering what more they could have done to protect their children.

And I'm not even talking about people who make mistakes. I'VE made mistakes, to be sure. I'm not perfect, and I'm not casting the first stone by any stretch. There are men and women out there who have strayed or had momentary lapses of judgment, but in the end, have repented and and asked forgiveness and done whatever it takes to make sure they end up doing the right thing by their families. People make mistakes.

No, I'm not talking about those families. I'm talking about men like Adrian Peterson, who are little more than mangy dogs, who prey on women, create children, and then leave them to fend for themselves in a world that quite frankly isn't all that safe.

I have friends -- real men -- who have had to watch their children die because of some tragic disease or catastrophic accident who won't get the media attention Adrian Peterson is getting right now. Men who love their families, and would die for them themselves. Those are real men. Men I aspire to be.

No, Adrian Peterson is no hero to me, or a tragic victim. I feel sorry for his loss -- I really do. And I pray this tragedy will open his eyes to what being a real man is all about. There's hope for him -- because there is always hope in God. And I will write a blog of rejoice if he should turn his life around and do right by whatever family he has left. I promise I will.

But until then, I will stand by my family, and I will stand by my friends, and I will champion those who are trying to be real men, by doing what is right by their wives and their children.

A former friend of mine -- who recently just up and walked out on his family -- recently sent me a question via a text message. It asked, "Do you think you need to be happy and 'googly eyed' in love with your significant other 100% of the time?" Given that this person has just abandoned his family, I've pondered that question for the past two months, wondering how I should reply -- because I want to reply.

So I will do it here. Here's my answer, and perhaps he'll read this: ABSOLUTELY! That's what a real man does! He loves his spouse -- and his family -- 100% of the time. He is "googly eyed" every moment he lays eyes on the beautiful woman he chose as his wife. Your wife and kids deserve your unquestioned and unconditional love and protection 100% of the time.

THAT'S what a real man does.

Never Forget...

Today is 9/11. This day means a lot of things to a lot of people.

For my sister, it means it is her birthday. 9/11 was a very important day to her years before it meant anything to anybody else. How would you like to have the day of your birthday remembered worldwide as the day of one of the most tragic events in world history?

For me, 9/11 is the anniversary of the day Pete Rose broke the Major League Baseball all-time hits record and became the most prolific base-hitter in baseball history. As a Reds fan, I remember things like that. Do I remember where I was that day? Of course I do. I had taped the game on my VCR (kids... ask your parents what a VCR is) because I had Spotlighter practice at school. Watched the game after I got home.

For some -- at least for four families -- 9/11 is now the day they remember that muslim thugs broke into the place overseas their loved ones worked and murdered them in cold blood why our government leaders stood by and watched.

Of course, for most, 9/11 is THE day. Maybe the worst day of their lives. Certainly the most sad. The day we all watched our nation attacked -- unprovoked -- and thousands of innocent lives were slaughtered and shattered. We all remember where we were that day.

I've watched all morning as people all over social media have posted pictures of flags, soldiers, first responders and victims on their sites, most with the words, "Never Forget," and I wonder: Have we really "never forgotten?"

Why is it only today we must "Never Forget?" Many of those who have posted such items are the same people who now blame President Bush for plunging us into an "unnecessary" war. Many have complained about the money our country has spent on those wars, and the lives that have been lost fighting them, and the economic woes into which they believe our country was plunged they perceive because of the wars. Many of those some people with flags on their posts think George W. Bush is a war monger. They think the man who never campaigned as a wartime president -- and yet was thrust into 9/11 mere months after taking office -- who then ultimately prevented another attack on our soil, is an incompetent blunderer who ruined our country, started hurricanes, and destroyed our economy.

Never Forget.

Our current President has based his entire farcical foreign policy on blaming President Bush for waging "two" wars. (I've wondered, by the way, why people classify the War on Terror as two wars, simply because it has been fought in multiple places. World War II was fought heavily in two different parts of the world -- Europe and West Pacific Islands -- and yet, everyone sees that as just one war.) President Obama has publicly labeled the War on Terror as, quote, "unnecessary" and "costly" and "un-winnable." He blamed Bush for paying for those wars on a "credit card."

Never Forget.

Last night, President Obama said, "I will not pursue an open-ended action like Iraq or Afghanistan," while at the same time asking the citizens of the United States to support a military action that, in effect, supports rebels in another country who hold the same beliefs as those who hijacked our planes, knocked down the twin towers, destroyed part of our Pentagon, and killed thousands of our brothers and sisters.

Never Forget.

Last year, on the anniversary of this tragic day, muslim freaks, with malice and planned forethought, attacked our embassy in Benghazi, and savagely murdered four of our citizens. Most of the evidence surrounding that event that has since become public suggests that our government leaders -- including President Obama -- knew it was going to happen ahead of time, did nothing to prevent it, and little to nothing to stop it as it occurred, and instead chose to blame the whole event on a video some guy in Missouri made that was less than flattering to muslims. Our government has done nothing since to bring to justice those responsible. (I just saw on the news that another blast has rocked Benghazi this very morning.)

Never Forget.

Our president OPENLY supported the muslim brotherhood in their bloody takeover of Egypt. He even called it an "Arab Spring" and a "Dawn of Freedom" for Egypt. This same muslim brotherhood that once claimed among their ranks the hijackers of 9/11, and the same muslim brotherhood that is now slaughtering Christians by the hundreds in Egypt.

Never Forget.

How would you feel today if President Bush had done nothing? It is true that some of the intelligence info we had concerning Saddam Hussein has since proven to be false, and yet, did that make him any less dangerous to the world? Was there no reason to believe at the time that if he wasn't directly involved in the attacks, he at least supported it? Is the world not a better place without Saddam Hussein? Or is murderous-thug sons, who were so brutal they made their dad look like Mickey Mouse?

What about Bin Laden? What if Bush had never pursued him? Sure, he was finally gunned down under Obama's watch, but how much more damage could he have done if he had not been pushed into hiding by our pursuit? What could he have done if he believed he could operate without fear of retaliation from the United States? How many more Americans would he have murdered? How much stronger would Al Queda be today if we hadn't taken the fight to them? I'll tell you this... they've never attempted another attack here on our soil.

Never Forget.

Indeed, today is a good day to "Never Forget." But I would say that every day is a good day to "Never Forget." Because every day our President and his administration shows support for those who caused 9/11. Every time another muslim attack takes another American life, we're told that they're just "extremists" and they don't represent true muslims. That we're all just supposed to accept the premise that all they really want is peace and love, when all we ever see is murder and destruction. Our President gives little but lip service to our friends and allies in Israel, but asks us to support a military strike that will benefit muslim rebels in Syria.

You get that? President Obama is on public record as saying our war in Iraq and Afghanistan against the terrorists who caused 9/11 was a "foolish decision" by President Bush. As a member of the Senate in 2004, he voted against a troop surge and additional funding for the war, and as a candidate in 2008 vowed to end our involvement in Iraq, which he eventually did. But last night, he asked us to support those same muslim rebels with a military strike against their enemies.

Never Forget.

How many of you say you "Never Forget," but you have forgotten exactly why we were fighting in the first place? How many of you have forgotten that we didn't ask for this fight? They brought it to us. President Bush didn't go looking for a war. He had one dropped in his lap. How would you feel today if he had decided not to fight back? How would our world be different?

Ask yourself this... Knowing what we now know about President Obama: would you rather he had been President on 9/11? Do you think he has what it takes to have led us through that kind of event? Do you wish now that someone who supports muslim ideals would have in charge after they attacked us?

No, I choose to "Never Forget" every day. And I will "Never Forget" until those who keep doing these horrible things to our country, our freedom and our people are defeated and no longer a threat. And I will vote for and support leaders in our country who love America and will fight against those who try to destroy us, and not for them. I will "Never Forget" until we have a President who stands up for America and takes the fight to the bad guys.

Never Forget... today, tomorrow and every day after.

College Bound

Tomorrow I will send my oldest son off to college.

I'm not alone. Thousands -- probably millions -- of parents are going through the same thing I'm going through. Millions before me have been there, done that.

I wonder today how they got through it. How do we take our son, whose been ours and only ours for the last 18+ years, five hours away from home, drop him off and leave him there? How do we handle knowing that he will never live under our roof again? He doesn't belong to us anymore.

The answer is simple, of course. I know that.

You just do.

He, like those millions of others, will be fine. He will make his own way in the world, and he will have a family, and a career, and he will come and visit us on holidays, and breaks, and maybe other times too.

We will watch him mature and grow and become a worthy adult, and he will do great things, and hopefully enjoy life as much as his Mom and I do. We will be happy for him, and happy because of him.

I know that.

So why does my heart hurt so bad right now?

Yesterday...

My oldest son will turn 18 years old tomorrow.

I'm not sure how that happened. It doesn't seem right. He can't possibly be that old.

You see, just yesterday, we brought him home from the hospital. His mom delivered him five weeks early. He had to stay there three days. He's fine now. He was all wrapped up in those little blankets the hospital is required by federal law to hand out. You know the one's I'm talking about. The white ones, with the pink and blue stripes on them. You brought your kids home in the same ones.

Yesterday, I changed his diaper for the first and only time. I know, I'm a big jerk. I had poop everywhere. On the ceiling, on the fan, on me. Not sure how that happened. Whoever said that changing a diaper is a bonding experience was out of their mind.

I bought him his first drum set for Christmas yesterday. It's just a toy kit, of course, but I think it was his favorite present. He's been playing them all morning.

Yesterday, we made a tape singing "Monkey Jumping on the Bed" to play for his little brother. His little brother is in the hospital. Has been now for several weeks. The little guy was born way too early, but big brother loves his little brother and can't wait for him to come home. He wanted to make a tape so his little brother could listen to it and maybe get better quicker. "Itsy Bitsy Spider" is on the tape as well.

Yesterday, we wrestled on the bed together. We like to wrestle on the bed. We do it all the time. The rule is, every time he knocks me out, he has to kiss me on the cheek to wake me up. He kisses me on the cheek a lot. He doesn't know it, but he never really knocks me out. I just like getting kisses on the cheek.

Just yesterday, he started Kindergarten. I didn't think his Mom was going to keep it together, but she did better than me. He doesn't know this, but I cried. I was OK -- really -- until he started crying as we left. That was about all I could take. Funny, but I seem to cry a lot more now that I have kids.

Yesterday, he was holding my hand and smiling from ear to ear. We'd just got off the church bus on a youth church trip and I'd been silly around all his friends on the bus. All his friends were laughing, and he really likes it when I'm silly. He likes thinking that his friends think I'm the cool Dad.

I coached his first baseball game yesterday. He loves to pitch. He's a natural. He could throw a ball from the day he could pick one up. He also plays 3rd base. That's where his favorite player, Aaron Boone, plays for the Reds. He loves the Reds. Wonder how that happened? Why, just yesterday, I was holding him in my arms in the yellow seats at Riverfront Stadium when Aaron Boone hit a walk-off home run to win the game. We bounced up and down together as the ball landed just a few rows from us.

In fact, yesterday, he got to meet Aaron at RedsFest. We go to the Reds fan festival every year. We stood in line to meet Aaron, and when we got to him, Aaron just scooped him up in his arms like he was his own, and Mom took their picture together. It's a great picture. But he has lots of pictures with Reds players.

You know what else was cool? Yesterday he went with his baseball team to the George Foster baseball camp, and got to work with the 1977 National League MVP himself. He and all his buddies got their picture with big George and got to play baseball with the man. Most boys his age don't know who George Foster is, but my son took pride in telling them all about him.

Yesterday, we played a song together at church. He actually helped me write it. It's a Christmas song, and I know he's not very old, but he really helped with the lyrics and had some solid suggestions about the song. We practiced it and sang it at church. Everybody seemed to really like it. His mom was proud. I think he might have the makings of a good musician.

I had a long day yesterday. I was the substitute teacher for his 6th grade class. A lot of his baseball buddies are in the class with him. I sorta abandoned the outline the teacher left for me, and instead, we played a game where I would quote a line from a movie, and they would have to guess the name of the movie. He says its the most fun he ever had a with a substitute teacher.

Yesterday was his 12th birthday, and he celebrated by pitching his traveling team to a victory in their first game of the year. Complete game. What a great time. I like being his coach very much, and I just had to give him the start, what with it being his birthday and all.

He started junior high school yesterday. Jr. High! Where does the time go? I thought he'd be a little upset with us moving him to a different school away from all his friends. But he loves it. Didn't bat an eye. He says he really likes it, and there's only two other boys in his whole class. He thinks that's kinda cool.

Yesterday we got back from Washington DC. His 7th grade class took a field trip there. And I was lucky enough to be one of the chaperons. We had a blast, him and me and his buddies. He says I was the coolest Dad on the trip. He still likes his friends thinking I'm cool.

We met his first girlfriend yesterday. She's a cutie.

And then, yesterday, we just got back from a vacation with his girlfriend's family. We all really enjoyed ourselves. The weather was great in Hilton Head. It was the first time we'd ever been there. In the pool one day, he was protecting his girl. I would pretend to try to get her, and he'd fight me off. Stayed between me and her the whole time. And she clung to him pretty close. We also took a boat ride to look for dolphins. It was pretty cute watching him and her together, giggling, just digging be kids at that moment, at that time. Got a great picture of the two of them laughing together on the boat. Pretty special.

I baptized him yesterday. I don't think I can tell you about it though. Not without crying.

My boy became a teenager yesterday. All he wanted for his 13th birthday was to go to the Reds Opening Day. So that's what we did. Unfortunately, the weather was kinda nasty yesterday, and even though they got the game in, the Reds lost 2-4. But he didn't care. He just liked being there, just me and him. We had a great time.

He's a good drummer, my boy. Yesterday, I had the pleasure of playing worship at church with him playing drums right beside me. He's worked his way up from just playing bongos and percussion on Wednesday nights. Now he's on the kit, in the big service on Sunday mornings. And he loves it. I love it too.

Yesterday, he started high school. I can't believe it. My boy's in high school. He's been playing ball with the school baseball team all summer, and he was really looking forward to getting started. He seems to really like it. In fact, yesterday, he came home from school and told me and his mom how he really looks forward to going to school everyday. Imagine, a teenage boy enjoying school.

Yesterday, the girl broke up with him. It's his first break up. I wonder how he'll take it. My heart hurts for them both.

I had a bad vertigo attack yesterday. I tried to make it all the way home, but I couldn't. So he drove me the rest of the way home. Even though he's only had his permit a couple of months, and he's only driven the big 15-passenger van a few times, and we were on the side of I-465, he hopped in the seat and drove me home like a pro. We even had to stop on the side of the road a couple of times for me to throw up. No worries. Like he's been doing it for years.

We took him yesterday to buy his first car. Are you kidding me? I think he got what a wanted. A pretty cool Durango. We got a good deal on it. And it's big enough he can carry his drums around. Maybe now, he'll get more excited about driving.

Yesterday, he started his first game of his Junior year at first base. He's the starter there this year. He's spent the last two years backing up the previous starter, and now its his turn. We're pretty excited about this year.

We took him to visit the college he wants to go to yesterday. Middle Tennessee State. It's the only place he's applied to. He wants to study Audio Engineering. That's pretty cool. Plus, there's a Red Lobster nearby, so he can get all the Cheddar Bay biscuits he wants.

Yesterday was the first day of his Senior year. Wasn't it just yesterday he started Kindergarten?

This isn't a story that's unique to us. Billions of parents since Old Testament times could tell this same story. Long before we got here, they could tell us what yesterday was all about. Some of you right now know what I'm talking about. You know what yesterday feels like. We have dear friends who've been robbed of some of their yesterdays, and so they have less of them to remember than I do, but they're no less special to them. Even more special, in some ways.

All that's left now are tomorrows. And I wonder what kind of yesterdays all those tomorrows will become. And I look forward very much to knowing what happened yesterday.

But I want to share one more.

Yesterday he was just seven years old. I was at the hospital all day with my wife. She has a brain tumor, and was in surgery all day. Literally, all day. I was tired -- physically, but mostly, emotionally. Friends and family had been by all day to check in on us. My ministers had been there to pray with me. Even the wife's Step-Dad's mom came by. She's so sweet.

But MeMe and Grandpa got him from school and took him to his baseball game. And then they brought him to the hospital to see us. His mom wasn't out of surgery yet. But he won his game and had a smile on his face. He was still wearing his baseball uniform.

So he crawled up on my lap, put his arms around my neck, and let me cry on his shoulder. He held me, and comforted me, mature way beyond his years, and told me it would all be OK. Turns out, he was right.

Yesterday, he was seven years old.

Tomorrow, he'll turn 18.

Standing by Your Convictions

I have my reservations about this blog. Not because I don't wholeheartedly believe in the point I'll try to make or stand behind my opinion, but because I know full well there will be those who will misinterpret my meaning, or worse, refuse to attempt to understand the premise and will instead move toward labeling me a "phobe" or a "hater" or even just a "religious fanatic."

I don't mind at all if someone purely disagrees with me. In fact, I welcome the discourse, as I know without a doubt there are others who simply don't hold the same standards I do. But I also realize that I'm inviting what will surely be little more than out and out ridicule because of some ill-perceived prejudice.

With that, I want to address Ohio Republican Representative Rob Portman's decision to now support gay marriage, a decision that is a reversal from his previous stance to oppose it. For years, Rep. Portman has supported the conservative charge to protect the sanctity of the Biblical definition of marriage -- matrimony between a man and woman. One can only assume that he supported those views because they were his convictions, based, one would hope, on years of Biblical teaching and knowledge. As a Christian conservative, I would hate to think he just randomly chose that position on no real substance, or just on an off opinion, or worse, for personal or political gain. And it is that assumption that makes his new revelation so unsettling.

So why did he change his stance? Because his son is gay.

At least his son believes he is. The only reason given for Portman's reversal of opinion is because his son told him he was gay.

Now, the point of this blog is not to try to convince you gay marriage should or shouldn't be legal. I do not support it -- so there -- but that's not the point of this writing. In fact, I don't even think the gay marriage debate is the most pressing issue facing our country today and am quite frankly bothered that it gets so much press when the US faces far more dire problems. No, this is not a gay marriage debate.

Rather, I am bothered by the reason for his change of mind and the message it sends.

Again, if was can assume the good Rep's stance on gay marriage was based on a lifetime of convictions, then the fact that he changed his mind simply because his son violated those convictions is truly troubling. What kind of message does it send to our children when we tell them we have a certain set of standards, only and up until they choose to violate them?

In other words, Rep. Portman could just have easily have said, "I've been against armed robbery my whole life, but last night, my son held up a liquor store with a gun, and I just don't think we should punish people for that anymore." How would that have gone over in the media?

Or how about this? "I've always thought child-molesting was wrong, but ever since my son molested that 10-year old girl, I just don't think its all that bad anymore." Think Brian Williams would have let that slide from a conservative politician?

You may think I'm taking this to an extreme. Am I? We're not talking about some casual observer who had a change of heart one day. We're talking about a guy who had such moral standards that he was able to convince thousands of people to vote to send him to Washington to advance those beliefs. This is a man who felt so strongly about the issue and felt he had enough education on it that he actually voted for laws against it! He felt strongly enough about it he wanted to outlaw it. That's extreme!

And what changed his mind? His son violated those beliefs. And all of the sudden, he thinks he's been wrong all these years.

Some people would see that as enlightened. That he was able to see through the darkness and realize the error of his ways and be big enough to admit he was wrong and come clean. I see it as cowardly.

I have children. Two boys. I'm not speaking out of ignorance. I know what it means to support your children, and to want the best for them, and to love them unconditionally, and to sacrifice for them, and to believe in them and to want what's best for them. But there is a line. If one of my children should break a law, I've taught them that there are consequences for that and that they would be punished. I would not expect the authorities to change the laws to accommodate them.

In the same way, I've raised them with a certain set of standards. I've raised them to believe a certain set of morals and ethics I hope they will adhere to as they grow up. I've taught them that if they violate those beliefs, bad things can happen. While I'm not naive enough to think they will never adjust those standards to their own lives based on their own experiences, or even violate them sometimes for any number of reasons, what I haven't taught them is that if someday they should choose a different path, I'll just abandon my own convictions and support them blindly.

Worse, those standards and ethics and morals and beliefs, and even some of the laws, are based on something that never changes: the Bible. We get our belief structure based on a belief in Jesus and his Holy Word. We didn't just make this stuff up. I was raised with those beliefs and I passed them on to my children. It works for us.

But if someday my child should decide it no longer works for him, I'm not just gonna drop everything I've ever believed in and support him. I'm going to love him, but I'm also going to be clear that I believe his decisions will have dire consequences and that I cannot support actions that violate my convictions.

A year or so ago, I read an article on FoxNews.com by a lady named Shari Johnson. Never heard of her before (or since, for that matter) so I don't know anything about her. But her article bothered me -- a lot. She claimed to be a lifelong Christian, she wrote, with a lifetime steeped in Biblical teaching. Turned out, she's got a lesbian daughter. Without boring you with all the details (you can read it here) she basically said that now that her daughter was gay, she musta been wrong all these years about the Bible.

Remember, she called it just fine when her kid was straight. But even though she'd been a Christian her whole life and believed homosexuality was wrong based on the Bible, now that she had a lesbian kid, she's had it all wrong. Surely being gay can't be all that bad after all, so the Bible must be wrong. Without any actual analysis of Scripture in the article, she just concludes that she's misinterpreted it forever.

In other words, she couldn't bring herself to condemn her own daughter. So instead, she changed a belief system that had been in place for decades. The Bible is OK until it condemns someone we love. When it does, then it can no longer be the standard. She even makes this statement: "When I asked a wise friend how she reconciled the scriptures with her daughter’s homosexuality, she said, “'I can’t. So I just let God sort it out.'”

Rep. Portman has done the same thing. He has compromised his own beliefs all because he can't fathom his son as a sinner. His son, for all we know, is probably a good guy, and Rep. Portman can't comprehend that God might actually one day punish his son for this. So, easier to just change his views and be done with it. No sense standing by your convictions.

That's cowardly, and indicative, I believe, of the overall moral decline of our society. Rather than holding each other accountable, it's easier to overlook the indiscretion, and even worse, just say that it wasn't really all that bad to begin with. We all watch the news every night and complain about how the world is going to hell in a handbasket, but then wilt under our own pressure instead of standing up for what we believe is right.

And our kids grow up thinking its OK to just do whatever they think feels good at the time, because there really are no consequences.

Liberal progressives have been pushing that baloney on us for years. Now we have Republican conservatives succumbing as well. When will it stop?

Support gay marriage, or don't support it, I really don't care. But for crying out load, grow a pair and stand up for what you believe in and stick to it. Teach your children that there is a difference between right and wrong and that if you make bad decisions, bad things come of it. Because if you don't, things will only get worse.

Proud to be an American

I'm sitting here this morning watching the movie Miracle, about the 1980 United States Olympic hockey team. I've seen it several times before. I love this movie.

The ironic part is that I literally cannot stand hockey as a sport. As an endless list of statistics and polls show, I am not alone, as the overwhelming majority of Americans are not big hockey fans. Our sports are baseball, football and basketball.

But I love this story. I was just 10 years old when the US team beat the Soviet Union -- a team who hadn't lost an international title in over 20 years -- and even at that young age, I was just beginning to understand the political tension of the time. The peril our country was in over a woefully failing presidential administration, and the debacle that was the Iranian hostage situation at the time.

Somehow, this team full of college kids were able to galvanize the whole country at a time when it was desperately needed, and they beat a team that was not only the greatest hockey team in the world at the time, but also from a country that was Enemy #1 to America.

It's an amazing story. From a sheer sports standpoint, it really was the equivalent of, say, our local high school Mooresville Pioneer baseball team actually beating the New York Yankees at the peak of their world championship run at the beginning of the last decade. And not in a Spring training game either.

But it was so much bigger than that because of the political and social ramifications the game actually held. The country was desperate for something to believe in -- something to make us all feel good about being Americans again. Somehow, these kids beating the evil Russians did that for us.

Every citizen who calls themselves an American ought to be required to watch this movie, or even better, the documentary that HBO did on the team, that is coincidentally included with the DVD. If you're not moved to tears when Al Michaels asks the iconic question, "Do you believe in Miracles? Yes!" then something is wrong with you.

I'm reminded of all this as I watch this movie because last night -- in a sport far more dear to my heart -- the United States baseball team was eliminated from the World Baseball Classic.

If you're not a baseball fan, then you've probably never heard of the World Baseball Classic. It's certainly not the same stage as the Olympics. But for baseball loving nations -- and there are many, including the US, -- its a fairly big deal. This year's tournament was the third since its start. Held every four years since 2005, its featured teams from all over the world, from countries where baseball literally is everything to them.

The United States -- featuring what is clearly the leading professional baseball league in the world -- has never won the WBC. Japan has won the previous two, and has again advanced to the final round this year, while the US team was eliminated last night by Puerto Rico. This year's US team was considered one of the favorites, and many are left this morning wondering why they've lost again.

There are those who believe the US doesn't take this tournament seriously enough, and that on this world stage we simply ought to be doing a better job. Ken Rosenthal, the lead baseball beat writer for Fox Sports, wrote an article this morning questioning whether or not the US is truly committed to the WBC, and if the United State's best baseball players really care about playing in it.

Those are valid questions, and the truth is that the answers are probably no to both. The US isn't truly committed to it, and the players don't care all that much.

There's a couple of easy reasons for this. 1) The United States has the best professional baseball league in the world, featuring the best players in the world, many from other countries who subsequently play for their home countries, and not the US team, in the WBC. Many of the MLB's best players are not from the US, so it thins out the talent pool. Plus, Major League Baseball is a big business, with lots of money on the line, and teams in it -- like my Cincinnati Reds -- are somewhat reluctant to let their players play at the risk of injury or some other problem that would jeopardize their ability to play for the team that employs them and pays them lots of that money. Makes sense, in a way, if you're the owner and members of team who relies on such players for their own livelihoods.

2) US fans, on the whole, really do not care. That is to say, they don't care as much about the US WBC team as they do about their own favorite MLB team. I'm as big a baseball fan as any, but I'm a Cincinnati Reds fan, and I'll admit that I was much more concerned about the Reds players who played in the WBC getting back to Spring training than I was about their involvement in the WBC. I wanted to see the US do well, but I'm not unhappy that Brandon Phillips will get back to the Reds in one piece. On the other hand, I couldn't give a rip about the Canadian team, and I was thrilled when they were eliminated so Joey Votto could get back to my team. Many players on the Reds are from foreign countries. There's no way I want them risking injury to play for teams like the Dominican Republic.

But this is not the case for most other nations. Most other countries don't have a professional league like the US, and indeed their best players usually leave and end up playing Major League Baseball anyway. So when the WBC rolls around, and their best players return to represent their home countries, its cause for a national celebration. In the Dominican, where baseball is literally everything, and they have no other national sport -- no football, basketball or soccer -- the WBC is very likely the pinnacle of their national pride. In the US, where we can follow our Reds, Yankees or Cardinals every day, a little three-week tourney every four years simply isn't that big of a deal. Japan has a good professional league, but nothing on the lines of the MLB. The WBC is a VERY big deal in Japan.

But there is a bigger reason than both of those: 3) American Pride is dead right now.

I don't want to sound like a pessimist, but its true. Being proud of the US is not cool right now. At least, that's what we're being told every night on the evening news, and even by our own government leaders. As in the days of the 1980 US hockey team, our country finds itself in political, societal and financial upheaval. And even though President Carter of those years was a poor president, the difference between then and now is that, back then, there was still a desire for the US to be great, for it to be a leader in the world. The country, even its leader, was looking for ways for the US to be great again.

It's not that way today.

Our current President doesn't like America very much, and has spent much of his time in office telling everybody who will listen why the United States is to blame for much of the world's problems. His administration and those who subscribe to his political ideology, along with the help of the national media, are expending a lot of energy to convince Americans that they should dislike each other. They tell us that being successful isn't something to be celebrated, but rather, something to be punished, especially financially. And they tell us that if someone is successful, that somehow they're bad people who don't deserve the riches they've earned.

And instead of having a single enemy -- like the evil Russians -- a foe which we can all get behind defeating, we are told every day that the whole world doesn't like us, and its our own fault. And moreover, we shouldn't even like each other very much for being the kind of people that the rest of the world abhor. Today, failure and mediocrity is something our government not only encourages, it rewards!

At least that's what we're being told. So is it any surprise that we can't get behind a little baseball team like the US WBC team, when we're being told day in and day out that the causes of the United States aren't worth getting behind at all? My own Reds' player on the WBC team, Brandon Phillips, said it best after last night's loss to Puerto Rico when he stated, "You just see how everybody’s passion is totally different than our country’s."

He's right. But it's not his fault. It's ours. Oh, for the 1980 US hockey team. Wouldn't it feel great to be proud to be an American again? I was only 10, but I miss those days.