Dr. Foster: Goodbye to a Friend.

Yesterday, I had the pleasure of once again serving as the emcee for the Mooresville Spotlighter Show Choir Invitational. It was my 23rd year serving in that capacity.

In the interest of full disclosure, I don't mind telling you that it's a pretty good payday for me, and worth the almost 15 hour day I put into it each year.

But that's only one of the reasons I keep going back. The other reason is because it's fun. It's fun because the kids make it fun. If you're not familiar with high school show choir, you should take the time to go see a show sometime. It's 20 minutes of high school kids giving all they've got to sing and dance and put on a good show. At an invitational, you might get to see anywhere from 15 or 20 shows like that throughout the day.

In the downtime between the choir performances, its my job to keep the crowd entertained, and for the most part, this just involves me having fun with a bunch of teenagers; teenagers, in this setting, who aren't interested in getting in trouble or bothering anybody, but rather, just looking to have a good time. Their unbridled teenage joy is intoxicating in a way. I enjoy it very much, and apparently, they enjoy me, because they keep asking me to come back year after year.

But yesterday took a sad turn for me, as I learned early in the morning about the passing of a dear friend of my family, Dr. Julia Foster.

Most of you didn't know Dr. Foster, and yet what you also probably didn't know is that she has impacted your lives almost as much as she impacted ours. That's because she helped save my son's life.

If you've ever met my son Cody, then you know what a cool, vibrant, handsome and talented young man he is, and I can tell you that were it not for Dr. Foster, and her love, her devotion, her knowledge, and her compassion, you might never have had the pleasure of knowing my son.

You see, Cody was born 11 weeks premature. Some of you know that, but others might not. My wife's water broke when she was 26 weeks into her pregnancy, and Cody was born via C-Section at 29 weeks. He was immediately placed into the Pediatric ICU at IU Hospital, where he would remain for the next eight weeks.

Again, in the interest of full disclosure, I must tell you that Cody, at such a young age, was relatively healthy, at least in contrast to the complications he could have faced with such a premature birth. But he was little and his tiny lungs were frighteningly fragile. At 2.7 ounces, his little body fit into the palm of our hands, and we would give him baths in a cereal bowl. The tiny bear his older brother bought for him from the hospital gift shop was bigger than he was and dwarfed him in his incubator.

Dr. Foster was the head pediatric doctor in charge of the ICU. We obviously were introduced to her right away, and she immediately provided a calmness to us that would remain constant throughout the next several weeks.

If you've ever had a premature baby, especially one as small as Cody, then you know that the first several weeks in the life of a baby that tiny is a daily physical roller coaster ride for the baby, and an equally emotional one for the parents. The well-being of the baby can change literally from hour to hour, day to day. We could leave him one night doing so well, only to arrive the next morning to new complications. Hurdles you thought you'd jumped and left behind can be met with new ones only hours later.

Each day was an emotional battle doing all you can do help, and yet ultimately feeling absolutely helpless as you watch the physical battle the baby goes through everyday.

At that time, almost 18 years ago, Dr. Foster was a very young (although she would coyly dismiss my questions about her age) and very pretty single woman, but she carried herself with a professionalism that instantly set you at ease. And she immediately was able to help you understand that she knew what she was doing, and that she wanted our baby to be healthy every bit as much as we did.

Every day should she would hold our hands -- often literally -- and explain what Cody was going through at that moment, and what the plan was going to be to get him through that day. Every day was different from the next, and so each day's plan was usually specific to that day. And each time there were options available, she would ask us what we wanted to do, to which we almost always replied, "Whatever you think we should do."

I remember one day, early on, she was explaining a couple of different options for treatment that day. I finally broke down, and I said simply, "Dr., we have no choice but to trust you and your judgment, and to put his life into your hands. I am just a guitar player. I have no option but to trust that you can help save our baby's life."

I remember she teared up a bit at that. Not because it scared her, but because she honestly cared for and loved Cody as much as we did, and she understood in a way very few others could our fear and our feelings of hopelessness. Together, she led Ginger and I through one of the toughest stretches of our lives.

Through it all she was calm, and compassionate, and loving, and her skill was unmatched. With her holding our hands throughout, it was as though we simply willed Cody to grow, and breathe on his own and eventually gain enough health and strength to come home with us where he belonged.

Later, even for a couple of years after, we would invite her, and she would come, to Cody's birthday parties, and our older son's, Cory's, too. During Cody's time in the NiCu unit, she got to know older brother Cory too, and would even take the time to help Cory get to see and spend time with his little brother. She became much more than a doctor to us. She became a member of our family.

As life would have it, as Cody grew older, we drifted apart from Dr. Foster. When Cody was 12 or 13, we had occasion to go to IU Hospital, and we stopped by her office to see her. She recognized me immediately, and was astonished at how Cody had grown. She hadn't aged a day, still as pretty and caring as always. We found out she'd married, the lucky bloke! But she'd decided to continue to stay with the Dr. Foster name, simply because that's how we all knew her. We also found out her and her husband had moved to a house just a few doors away from where my Mom now lives. We promised to visit sometime.

We never did.

Isn't that always the way? Thinking you've got another day somewhere down the road to do something you really ought to do today?

Yesterday, while I was at the Show Choir Invitational, I found out she'd passed away from a very sudden brain tumor. She was 50 years old. Her memorial service was being held that very day at a nearby church. I immediately informed Ginger, and she told Cody, and they paid a visit. They met her Mom and Dad and siblings, told them Cody's story, and thanked them for the role their daughter played in Cody's life. And ours. I cried a few tears, I must admit. Because she is so dear to me, and because I couldn't go say goodbye.

To this day, I can't imagine anyone who could have helped us more through those scary days than Dr. Julia Foster. And in the past 24 hours, I've been thinking about her a lot.

And you know, something kinda crossed my mind today. Back in those days, I did the best I could to keep things light. You know, cracking jokes every now and then, being silly, sharing my goofy idiosyncrasies. There were times, I think, when Dr. Foster thought me a little odd, which, quite frankly, has happened with a lot of people who know me. Heck, my own Mom still thinks I'm a little odd. Every now and then, even when she didn't quite know how to take me, she would still get a little smile on her face when we'd interact. And I think she loved my family as much we loved her.

And yesterday, while I was sad I couldn't go to her service, I think perhaps I was where I should have been. Where she probably would rather me have been. Not mourning her, but enjoying myself, having a good time with a bunch of kids. For someone who spent her life saving kid's lives, maybe me helping brighten some teenagers' day honors her more proper.

Yeah, I think she would have liked that.